k_tyrant_of_rmSelf  k_Promethean_struggle .. k_def_of_success

In a way, burn often focuses on quardrant-II [non-urgent-but-important], the tough jobs that deserve lots of sunshine….

When thinking in terms of burn/rot, there is always a harsh, imposing self2judge at the back of my mind. This self2judge maintains a destructive self-hate, and implicitly considers self1 too lazy and weak… No surprise, because by my superhuman standard every human shows visible weaknesses.

• I beat myself up over coding drill
• I beat up my son over his math practice
• I beat myself up over fried potato chips

(I also demonized masturbation, egg yolk …. all based on unfounded health theories.)

I used to set an self-expectation of such high self-discipline that every human would Fall short, including grandpa, Wenqiang, .. but I thought my standard was normal and achievable if I simply Try Hard. Now I’m older and wiser. I know these standards are too hard for mere humans. We humans are not machines.  No one has such strong will as to force the body to do all the painful things. In real people, the strong motivation comes from within, from a desire, not from harsh self-discipline.

If the wellspring, the flame, the pulse inside a student is insufficient, then neither parent, teacher or herself can force it with willpower.

— successZ+successC => burn = materialisticRoti+selfDiscipline… I think this is a pretty good characterization of the vague concept of “burn”. Now I think my sense of ‘burn’ is always a mix of strenuous [1] self-discipline over the lazy self + [2] materialistic ROTI.

As a consequence, when I’m focused on successE [carefree ezlife, wellness, harmony…], I don’t feel the burn.

Note successZ is more than zqbx! Therefore, t_zqbx has a only a partial overlap with t_burnOrRot.

[1] Without the self-discipline, I don’t feel the burn.  Absorbency and zqbx are similar phrases
[2] I didn’t say “strategic”
— Bigger Eg: My diet is arguably the best eg — so tough, unenjoyable, b
ut I could put up with it because my level of suffering is lower than other people feels. If you ask me to cut further and further, I will experience too much “pain” in terms of self-deprivation.
— Bigger Eg: Yoga is another unimaginable achievement — a physical shortcoming, painful, hopeless, no visible progress, No hope of sustained improvement, therefore a /Promethean torment/

In lower-middle school, I beat myself up over stretching. One of The earliest and most painful experience of my life. Today, I still hate myself frequently because I couldn’t get myself to “practice yoga at home everyday”. Well, those (mostly women) who can are probably too weak for daily exercise, continuous learning, …See  girls with Grade-A flexibility

Now, against all odds, I did 2 sessions a week for 8 months in Bayonne.

Willpower is NOT the catalyst.
— Eg: How about early rise? In 1993 I once beat myself up for not getting up by 6am. For 25 years since, it was impossible to keep up early rise beyond 10 days. Now I have lasted about 2 months !

Self-discipline and brute force willpower has Never been the turning point in early rise.
— eg: jolt: self-care blogging under stress — requires effort to become effective, but I often think of it as indulgence. It has high ROTI (just not materialistic).

Self-care blogging often generates self-hate ! Unfair. I deserve more tender care and sympathy.
— eg: coding drill: I guess many of my friends don’t enjoy it as they feel high effort low chance of ROTI.

Contrast Ashish and Deepak who keep practicing. Even if chance of passing is rising slowly, thhe practice slows down the decline.
— eg: reading about Sec1 posting — feels thankless and no “burn”. Requires effort but there’s no materialistic ROTI !