k_def_of_success

A letter not set out.

Hi TJ,

You are right about [[Thinking fast and slow]] but I mostly read the last 20%, a section on self-perception of well-being. That’s why I brought up Paul Allen, colostomy patients, healthy (and unhealthy) longevity.

Last week you asked why at my age I think so much about longevity. Well, I have always been a long-term planner, and now planning for the longest horizon till end of my life. Also, my parents talk about their health and late-life plans all the time.

I like your phrase “reaching that goal day by day”. Planning is easier than follow-through. I blog about my follow-through actions. I told you about my diet, workout, learning tech, active trading, hobbies…. not as fancy plans, but everyday actions.

You have a good point about “adjust” and “not affected by others”. I always feel the importance of the “membrane” through which we selectively (or involuntarily) receive influence. Clearly we need to adjust our planning, goals and priorities, mostly based on influence from other people, so we can’t operate with a water-proof membrane. Instead, each individual exercises discretion as to who we want to follow, who we want to listen to.

It turned out that many of my peers (classmates, colleagues, fellow techies) are not good influences on life priorities. I think many have not figured out what is important, so they follow the conventional, wrong priorities. So I want my membrane to block those influences. In reality, my membrane still lets in unwanted influence. I still question my breakaway from the convention yardsticks esp. about top schools for my kids.

I give an A- to my parent-child bonding, and my kids have a loving family. I am a caring father and don’t focus too much on academic benchmark. Still, whenever there is an academic comparison, my kids would often (like B-) appear inferior to the kids of my peers.

Tough. That’s why I need a highly selective membrane. I need long-horizon vision (that my father always shows by example). I need to drop the baggage and focus on the right priorities. Academic benchmark success doesn’t match my “easy life” yardstick, even though 自强不息 yardstick demands a serious effort.

Sent: Mon, Feb 21, 2022 11:10 AM
To: Victor
Subject: RE: a few topics discussed

I can understand how other values and they have own valid reasons. Since so many choices available and they make sense in different angle, that is why I said the most importance is you have your own belief and not really affected by others and willing to reach that goal day by day. You start from a solid belief and adjust it according to what you observe and practice. It will make ppl more mental health rather than anxious when seeing and comparing against others.

That is why I feel you got your point of work-life and you have strong reason to keep the current style.